We’ve been married 24 years and have known each other 34 but we’re still figuring out how to do this marriage thing. Last night, Thomas and I found ourselves going back and forth on one of the day-to-day issues we needed to resolve. What it was isn’t important. What is important is that it is one example of the many things we have gone over and over disagreeing or changing our minds about for years. Some of the issues are really big and some are just trivial. When, in utter frustration, I asked Thomas last night – “Why can’t we come to some conclusion on this?” he said quickly and simply, “Because we never resolve anything.” Wow! He was absolutely right! A flood of memories of various discussions came rushing back to me covering 20-plus years. So many of them have never been resolved but because they are actual issues, keep rearing their ugly heads as if to say “just figure it out already so I can go away!!!!”
It was a rude reminder of how a lack of communication (another topic) and unresolved issues can just wear down a marriage. Life being life, there will always be things to communicate about just as there will always be issues that pop up and need to be resolved. When they aren’t dealt with promptly, they just pile up like laundry that never gets done, getting higher and heavier and stinkier. So, I suggested to Thomas that we create a prioritized list of issues and then commit to finding the resolution for one per week. He was open to the idea, although it felt to him a lot like an agenda for a meeting at work. In a way it is. We’ll see if we really do it.
Will it be a happier new year for our family?
New Years is my excuse for a fresh start. This year, improved family problem-handling is on my 2013 “To Do” list. Is it just me, or has family decision-making become ridiculously multi-dimensional and complex? My brain is fried!
To make this better, I realize the answer is right by my side – my wife. Together we can muster enough brain power to navigate this brave new world! My #1 Resolution: work with Courtney to focus on what is most important to our family, and make decisions together in a timely manner. The give and take of this process will be frustrating, requiring compromise and commitment. But the end result will be better decision-making for our family’s future.
This is a guest post from the Parent Tango blog, a He said/She said view of marriage, parenting and life. For more he said/she said accounts, visit Parent Tango. You’ll totally relate!